


Jasper & Bumblebee: A Love Story

by Phantom_Midge



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), Transformers Generation One
Genre: Bad Art, Crack, Crack Pairing, Crossover, Deliberate Badfic, Epic Love, F/M, Illustrated, Non-Explicit Sex, War, my hed iz pastede on yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 09:45:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantom_Midge/pseuds/Phantom_Midge
Summary: Theirs was truly an epic romance.





	Jasper & Bumblebee: A Love Story

  
  


It was a Tuesday like any other on the planet Earth. Meanwhile, on Cybertron, the Autobots and Decepticons had temporarily put aside their differences and joined forces to get rid of the infestation of annoying space rocks that took over the planet while Optimus Prime and Megatron and their crews were putzing around on Earth for two seasons. (Oh and by the way this is an AU where the movie and season 3 never happened.)

As everyone knows, no interplanetary war is complete without the obligatory pair of star-crossed lovers, so Bumblebee and Jasper were like in love or something, IDK. Anyway, there was this epic space battle going on between the alien space rocks and the alien space robots, and Jasper and Bumblebee were there in the thick of it, trying to avoid each other so they wouldn’t be overcome by passion and start making out right in the middle of the battlefield. Then Jasper got shot in the butt and faceplanted onto the ground like a character in a bad comedy anime, but with more blood. (Do gems even have blood? For the purposes of this story let’s say they do.)

“JASPER! NOOOOOOOO!” Bumblebee screamed, dramatically running to his fallen lover in slow motion. When he reached her, he gathered his precious Cheeto Puff up into his arms and sobbed into her silky white mane. Once Jasper’s hair was thoroughly drenched in robot tears, Bumblebee lifted his face skyward and clenched his dental plates angrily.

“I SWEAR I SHALL AVENGE YOU, MY LOVE!” he screamed to the heavens, punching the air with a fist of righteous fury.

“Hey. I’m not dead, just really badly injured,” Jasper pointed out.

“Oh… oops,” said Bumblebee.

Then they banged. Literally, as in their bodies smashed together sexily and produced a banging noise. Okay, actually it was more like a clanging noise.

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

It was pretty loud is what I’m saying. Everyone else stopped fighting and watched them, totally grossed out by this shameful public display of weird interspecies alien nookie. Even Optimus Prime was grossed out.

“OMFG, get a room you two!” said Sugilite, who had no logical reason to be there but was there anyway nevertheless because Nicki Minaj. This incited a chorus of similar sentiments voiced by rock and robot alike, both sides having put down their weapons in order to better focus on loudly expressing their disgust at this situation.

“FUK U, PREPZ!!!1!1” Jasper screamed, putting her middle finger up at them like Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way. Bumblebee started to cry again.

The gems and Cybertronians were all way too grossed out to continue fighting, so instead their leaders agreed to get together and resolve their differences through diplomacy, in a sealed room where there would be no chance of accidentally viewing any xenophilic sex acts. Ironically, this resulted in them having an orgy, because it’s fanfiction and of course they did. Anyway, they ultimately decided to join forces to create a utopian society with freedom for all sentient beings.

And that is how Jasper and Bumblebee inadvertently saved both their races from mutually assured destruction by having noisy public sex at the worst possible time.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> The images used to make the cover art are as follows:  
> \- [A photo from a series of MAC Cosmetics ads](http://www.refinery29.com/mac-novel-romance-makeup-collection-fall-2014).  
> \- [Official SU concept art by Amber Rogers](http://steven-universe.wikia.com/wiki/File:Jasper_%26_Gem_Destabilizer_by_Amber_Rogers.png).  
> \- A screenshot of Bumblebee from the G1 cartoon.


End file.
